


Blue His House

by tuesday



Category: Allstate Insurance "Mayhem" Commercials
Genre: Alien Invasion, Aliens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 15:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19957774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: "I'm a space vampire," Mayhem said as he strolled down the quiet suburban street, flexing his hands and staring down at the clawed nails contemplatively.  "Or close enough as makes no difference.  Most of my friends are off getting their asses kicked by the heroes while trying to take over the Earth, but I'm more interested in new experiences than getting my head blown off."  Mayhem stopped by a white picket fence, then vaulted over it.  "New experiences like investigating this empty dwelling."





	Blue His House

**Author's Note:**

  * For [debirlfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/gifts).



"I'm a space vampire," Mayhem said as he strolled down the quiet suburban street, flexing his hands and staring down at the clawed nails contemplatively. "Or close enough as makes no difference. Most of my friends are off getting their asses kicked by the heroes while trying to take over the Earth, but I'm more interested in new experiences than getting my head blown off." Mayhem stopped by a white picket fence, then vaulted over it. "New experiences like investigating this empty dwelling."

Mayhem tried the doorknob. It was locked. He shrugged and ripped the door off the hinges.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. You have an alarm system." Mayhem smiled, baring his teeth. "But the local rent-a-cops are kind of busy with the whole alien invasion thing, either helping or hiding. And even if they did try to stop me, they'd be little more than a convenient snack break."

Mayhem rubbed his hands together. "Speaking of snack breaks—" He opened the refrigerator and cabinet doors, throwing things behind him. "Boring. Boring. Inedible. No nutritional value, but I'll take it." He pulled out a bottle of champagne and an ice pack. "You were saving this for your anniversary. I'm going to use it to wash down the ice pack I've mistaken for food." He took a bite out of the ice pack, then grimaced. "Disgusting." He opened the champagne by smacking the bottle against the granite counter until the neck shattered, took a few sips, then discarded it on the floor.

Mayhem trailed his claws against various surfaces as he explored the house, leaving behind scratch marks in wood and rents in fabric. He picked up and dropped things: a pillow, pictures, an antique vase, the television. He turned knobs on appliances and pressed buttons. He went upstairs and played with the taps in the master bath. After a couple minutes, he figured out how to use the stopper. For good measure, he turned on the shower, too. He sniffed a few bottles. He upended an expensive bottle of perfume in the tub.

"This is how humans do it, right?" Mayhem put his hand in the slowly filling water, then shrugged. "I'll come back later, once the upstairs is nice and flooded."

He went back downstairs, then stopped at the bottom of the stairs when confronted with flashlights and bunch of guns. "Or not. I surrender?"


End file.
